Return of the Funker 1995: Terry Funk Returns as ECW's 1995 Stories Collide

The Pitbulls against Chad Austin and Joel Hartgood is a straightforward squash designed to keep the Pitbulls strong after their run through Bad Breed. Austin and Hartgood offer little meaningful resistance, so the match never develops beyond the basic question of how quickly the Pitbulls will finish them. Pitbull #2's superbomb on Hartgood provides the decisive visual and reinforces the team's power-based identity. The four-minute runtime is appropriate because extending the match would only expose how one-sided the booking is. C- gives credit for clarity, crowd response, and a clean finish while recognizing the absence of suspense or deeper structure. The segment works as a roster-maintenance match rather than a meaningful Return of the Funker attraction. Its main value is establishing the Pitbulls as a force Jason can continue presenting as future championship material.

Jason and Paul Lauria against Hack Meyers and Mikey Whipwreck is longer than the story really needs, but it has enough character work to remain functional. Whipwreck and Lauria carry the clearest personal issue from their former partnership, while Meyers gives the babyface side another wrestler the audience is willing to support. Jason's presence keeps the match from becoming a straightforward tag contest, and the pace improves whenever Whipwreck is fighting from underneath. The decisive interference comes from a masked man at ringside who punches Meyers, allowing Lauria to score the pin. That finish protects the babyfaces and extends the Jason feud without requiring Jason himself to win cleanly. C reflects useful storyline progression and acceptable tag structure, but fifteen minutes is generous for material that ultimately depends on outside interference. The match does its job; it simply takes too long to arrive there.

2 Cold Scorpio versus Héctor Guerrero provides the card with a welcome conventional wrestling match. Guerrero brings veteran timing and enough technique to keep Scorpio from simply running through a highlight reel, while Scorpio's athleticism forces the older wrestler to adjust whenever the pace increases. The match benefits from being allowed more than ten minutes, giving both men time to establish counters before Scorpio begins creating larger openings. Guerrero's control work is deliberate without becoming dull, and Scorpio's eventual comeback feels earned rather than automatic. The 450-degree splash is the correct finish because it gives the crowd the spectacular payoff associated with Scorpio while keeping the result clean. B- rewards strong pacing, stylistic contrast, and a decisive ending. It is not among Scorpio's absolute best ECW matches, but it gives Return of the Funker genuine wrestling depth before the card moves back toward personal feuds and championship stories.

Axl Rotten versus Ian Rotten continues their breakup exactly where Double Tables left it: angry, bloody, and uninterested in conventional restraint. The barbed-wire baseball bat gives the feud a new visual without changing its basic structure. Both men spend long stretches trying to create openings for the weapon rather than building around holds or athletic counters. That makes the match repetitive in places, but repetition also fits the story because neither brother is attempting to outwrestle the other. The decisive pancake slam onto the barbed-wire bat is suitably ugly and gives Axl a clean victory after Ian stole the prior match with his feet on the ropes. C+ rewards commitment, continuity, and a finish that escalates the feud without pretending the violence is sophisticated wrestling. The match is effective in its lane, although its weapon focus and head trauma make it harder to recommend through a modern safety lens.

Shane Douglas versus Marty Jannetty is one of Douglas' more complete ECW World Heavyweight Championship defenses because Jannetty can match the champion's pace for nearly twenty minutes. Jannetty brings recognizable national credibility, but the match does not depend on reputation alone. He moves well, creates legitimate comeback stretches, and forces Douglas to work through more than a handful of signature spots. Douglas responds by slowing the pace when necessary and using heavier offense to keep the champion's role distinct. The powerbomb finish is decisive enough to avoid the feeling that Jannetty was merely passing through for a protected loss. B+ rewards the length, competitive balance, and clean championship result. It does not reach classic territory, but it gives Douglas something his late-1994 defenses often lacked: enough time to make the ECW world title feel like the central wrestling prize rather than a prop attached to larger angles.

Chris Benoit and Dean Malenko against Sabu and the Tazmaniac is the best match on Return of the Funker because the teams offer a natural contrast. Benoit and Malenko operate with tight control, quick tags, suplexes, and submissions, while Sabu and Tazmaniac create chaos through explosiveness and unusual movement. Malenko's leglock on Tazmaniac becomes the turning point when Taz can no longer stand and must be carried backstage by 911. That leaves Sabu isolated, which gives the challengers a logical advantage without making the champions look incompetent. Sabu still creates danger by bringing a table into play, but Benoit turns the setup against him and delivers the superbomb through the table for the championship-winning pin. B+ rewards strong structure, escalating stakes, and a meaningful title change. The post-match three-team brawl also points directly toward the next phase of ECW's tag division.

Cactus Jack versus D.C. Drake is deliberately underwhelming as a match. Woman's mystery-opponent setup creates anticipation, but Drake's reveal does not satisfy the crowd and the four-minute squash never seriously attempts to change that reaction. Cactus attacks with urgency, Drake offers enough resistance to delay the inevitable, and the double-arm DDT ends the match cleanly. D+ reflects the competitive content actually delivered: short, one-sided, and far below what the mystery-opponent framing suggests. The reason to watch comes afterward. Sandman attacks Cactus, Terry Funk returns and joins him, Tommy Dreamer fails to make the save, and Shane Douglas appears to side with the attackers before turning on Funk and Sandman. That angle is excellent ECW storytelling, but it should not inflate the grade of the match that precedes it. The bout is an anti-climax; the post-match sequence is the real main event.